seven principles of fierce conversations

#Seven principles of fierce conversations how to#

The gist of the message is to be emotionally aware, offer the leadership you needed or wanted at similar times in the past, and give both of those without being mean.

silence is the best-kept secret for generating family dialogue.' This is a lesson I am constantly learning and practicing with my adult children.The Susan Scott book Fierce Conversations: Achieving Success at Work & in Life, One Conversation at a Time offers a decent introduction to leadership communication and methods for being authentic. She suggests that we 'must begin to wean ourselves from noise. I love her 7th principle.'Let silence do the heavy lifting.' As a therapist and mother, I know well the discomfort of remaining quiet. Susan Scott is among a growing number of female executives who wants to change the way we converse. Scott suggests asking ourselves, “What are you pretending not to know?” She challenges us to remove the protective mask we all wear and bring more of ourselves to every conversation.Ī powerhouse of executive work wisdom! Here we have a quotable CEO female who introduces us to what she calls 'the art of conversation.' Her step-by-step guidebook models ways to develop leadership skills, provoke learning, confront and challenge courage, compassion and skill.

#Seven principles of fierce conversations how to#

We may avoid meaningful conversation because we do not know how to say the important things without yelling or crying. Being known and seen can make us feel unpleasantly vulnerable, so we hide from others and even from ourselves. Our desire to please and our fear of rejection cause us to hide the truth in exchange for approval.

Often it feels easier and safer to project the image we think others expect of us, so we filter many of our conversations. Scott’s second principle for improving conversations is “come out from behind yourself … and make it real.” This principle is essentially a restatement of a primary goal of psychotherapy: to find our own authentic voice and become comfortable using it. The author guides the reader toward an understanding that conversations are not just an action or a means to an end, but a vessel to 'enrich relationships.' She prompts the reader to question their 'truths' and values, as well as recognize that each party brings their own set of truths to a conversation. What resonated most with me was her thought-provoking insights into the emotional aspects and underlying truths of communication. Examples used to depict her message are from her own experiences working with corporations. She delivers her message and provides concrete tools to accomplish fierce conversations in a manner that is relatable to both corporate organizations and personal relationships. This book is based on the importance of having effective, meaningful communication, which the author calls fierce conversations. As Maya Angelou said, “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” In short, the goal should be to communicate without needing to make others feel less than or not appreciated, regardless of the content of the conversation. While the concepts in this book were not new, I felt they were good reminders of the need to take a personal inventory of the impact of our words and gestures while interacting with others. This requires taking responsibility for not only what is being said and done, but also how it is said and done. I liked her concept that it is a choice on a regular basis to express one's self in a way that leaves an “aftertaste” that is positive and energizing to others. In Susan Scott’s principle #6, she speaks of taking responsibility for your emotional wake. Take responsibility for your emotional 'wake.' 7. Come out from behind yourself into the conversation and make it real. Master the courage to interrogate reality.

Her frame for the book are seven principles of Fierce Conversations, which serve as her chapters: 1. After all, conversations are really the oxygen of all relationships. What she offers is positive, powerful tools to have authentic conversations with coworkers and family members that can build and transform deeper, more meaningful relationships.

After reading it, I can see why it is a bestseller. The book includes exercises and steps to expand and enrich conversations with colleagues, friends, and family.Ī client working in a private school on Long Island shared this book with me, as their entire staff was reading it. Susan Scott, who teaches positive change through powerful communication, explains in this book that people can, and need to, transform and clarify their everyday conversations by employing effective ways to get their message across. 'Fierce Conversations - Achieving Success at Work and in Life, One Conversation at a Time' by Susan Scott (Berkley Publishing, paperback).